Wednesday, March 31, 2010

An insecure artist...

...or why some lessons need to be learned again and again.

I finally finished faux painting the bathroom and while I was putting on the third or fourth? layer I had an insight into how I have been feeling about felting and my art in general. It was not a new insight but apparently it is something that I need to keep reminding myself of.
Through this blog and facebook I have come to know so many very talented artists, especially those working with felt. It is wonderful to be able to see all these beautiful pieces and learn about these artists, but I also find it intimidating.  Because of my own insecurities when I look at the work of these artists I feel that my work sucks by comparison and therefore I should not even do it.
Now, this finding myself lacking applies to all areas of my life and it is something I work on fighting everyday. But when it comes to my abilities as an artist it really hits me.  My logical mind knows that life is not a contest, that there will always be someone who can do things better, that it is the 'doing' that matters not the outcome, that what makes someone an artist is the need to create; not the objects that are created, that art is subjective to begin with, etc.. The problem is that there is a disconnect between what I know logically and how I feel emotionally.
 There I was putting on one of the coats of glaze, thinking creatively about how the colors and patterns of each glaze work together with my mind excitedly thinking of other glazes I could try when the proverbial light-bulb went off. "What was I doing spending so much physical and creative energy on painting a bathroom that was supposed to be a quick project? How many times was I going to go over those same walls? Especially when each coat only made subtle changes! Did I really want to get so invested in learning to faux paint? Didn't I have enough creative hobbies already? What was I doing?"
What was happening was my inner artist, that need to create, was going to come out one way or another. That being the case wouldn't it be better if I was working on my felt? Creating in with a medium that I am more knowledgeable about and that I have an abundance of exciting ideas and materials for?
What I need to do now is get back to making felt for me. I need to lose my judgemental self and just get in there and play with some wool. I need remind myself what it is about the medium that I has held my attention for longer than any of the others that I have tried. I need to JUST DO IT!
But first here are some pictures of the faux painting layers in order.

And the finally finished bathroom.

1 comment:

  1. The eternal it ego and id? I forget that part. But you've hit the nail on the head with your conclusion. I think that there are some of us that just HAVE to create. The original and masterpieces are few and far between.
    But...I *love* the bathroom....I have one that needs to be much do you charge?