Sunday, May 15, 2016

Fighting a bit....

I seem to be fighting a bit of 'what's-the-point-itis' lately. That feeling of wanting to just give up on stuff that takes any amount of effort....and it all takes effort. I think I am still feeling the physical effects of a cold that Dad and I both had. He is still sick too, and it has been almost four weeks for him. I still have some lingering stuffiness but mainly I am just feeling weak and tired....and a bit depressed. The weather has not done much for my mood either. We had a long string of cold grey days; it has been a cool spring in general, and it seems as if when the sun does shine the wind is gonna blow like the dickens.
We did have a couple of nice days that I took advantage of. One day I went to Granby to take more photos for reference since all of my photos from there seem to be taken in Autumn. I wanted particularly to get some photos of the waterfalls at Enders State park before the trees were fully leafed out since it can get really dark in the gully.

I also went to the McLean Game Refuge and a few other places out there. It was a beautiful day.

The other nice days I spent in the garden. I had to keep resting, sometimes sitting in the wheel barrow if there was not a bench near by. That really makes me think it is not just depression that is making me feel so tired. 
Both of the nice days I also planned on finally doing some painting 'en plain air'. I have wanted to do that since last fall and for Christmas I got a special easel just for that. Well, I packed up my paints and easel but could not get myself to set up anywhere. No place seemed right enough for the effort. I was also afraid that someone would come by and see me painting. Why should that matter? I know it should not but until I do it a few times and build up some confidence I think that fear will be a factor. I thought I should just start by painting something here in the yard but again could not find anything that seemed worth the effort. That IS the depression speaking. Maybe this week I can overcome the fear and depression and just paint. 
I have done some painting but not as much as I was doing. My patron who was buying all my paintings on Ebay has stopped buying so sales have slackened and that is feeding into the feeling of 'what is the point?', though sales never were the point at all. It is times like this that I need to remember that what matters most is doing the thing. It really is all about the process, not the end results, not the sales, not the final product. Just do it, and do it with as much gusto as you can muster in that moment. And it is so true that inspiration follows action. Just get out the materials and make a start and do not wait for the inspiration. 
I had been wanting to do another pastel piece after seeing so many lovely works at the Academic Art show. So, while it was gloomy outside I went to the basement and got to work on a piece I had started a while ago. I really had to make myself get started on it but after a while I could feel a shift in my mood and in my thoughts from negativity and desire to quit to positivity and inspiration so strong I did not want to stop even for meals. It is a lesson I seem to keep needing to learn. 
Here is the finished piece.

And here are the Ebay paintings that I worked on.

I also reworked one of the the paintings that did not sell, and I think I made it better. I really like the texture of the paint in the foreground. I will list it this week to see of other people like it better now too.


  1. Hang in there! Whatever is 'going around' is kicking everyone's butt for many, many weeks. It's a general lack of energy long after the other symptoms are gone. It is not just you. Keeping on going for 'you' and for all of us who are inspired by your talent and creativity! I am brand new to felting and am in awe and 'in love' with felting. Aloha!

  2. Oh My Goodness Kathleen you have no idea what a boost your comment gave me. I will just be patient and be happy for the things I am able to accomplish.

  3. Have you been tested for lymes disease??

  4. Yes, I did get tested for Lyme disease and did not have it.

  5. Your work is beautiful and inspiring! All of us artists are our own worst critics. The sun will shine soon, you will feel better and you will create more beautiful images, I have no doubt!!

  6. Your work is beautiful and inspiring! All of us artists are our own worst critics. The sun will shine soon, you will feel better and you will create more beautiful images, I have no doubt!!